Yesterday, Tuesday, I woke up at 7:50am and felt pretty disgusting.  By 8:10am, I was cuddled up back in bed and ready to spend the entire day nestled up in bed.

I awoke at 12:58pm to a text message from my sister saying “Hey  What are you doing?”

I scrambled out of bed upon realizing the time and not really in the mood to hear my father bitch about how I’d “slept my day away” and responded back with “Nothing, whats up?”

“Come here!

This is a common text message I get from my parents when they want me to come into the room they are in, and I’m in a different room and can’t hear them yelling for me.  This, however, is not a common text message I receive from my sister, who lives 3 and a half hours away…OOOH!  And did I mention she’s like…6 months pregnant?

Right away, I thought something was wrong with Adrian, my unborn nephew, however, upon calling my sister, I learned that she just wanted me to come stay the night last night so I could go with her to an ultrasound tomorrow morning.  She thought it’d be cool for me to see it…

Cool…whatever…I feel okay…I have nothing to do today or tomorrow…why the fuck not, I mean, hell, ONE freaking night won’t kill me….

I agreed to shower, eat, and leisurely stroll up north, when she said I needed to leave by 1:30 otherwise, I’d hit some crazy traffic upon my arrival, and, I’m not a big fan of driving at night.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!

I packed two outfits, a pair of PJs, the bathroom essentials, and my laptop, and then tossed on some clothes, and bolted out the door within 18 minutes of getting the first text message.

After a re-fueling stop and a coffee stop, I made it to Oklahoma City right before 5pm where the freaking bombshell was totally dropped on my head.

“Janet!  I’m so glad you’re here!  You should totally stay until NEW YEARS!  Jessie and I were talking, and we don’t have anything planned!  So you’re totally staying til the first or second!  It’ll be SO! MUCH! FUN!”

I died inside, and then began panicking!

“Uh!  I really can’t…I only brought two outfits…and one of them I’m about to go put on after I shower…and then, ya know., one for tomorrow!”

She laughed.  The bitch LAUGHED…IN MY FACE!

“Don’t be silly!  I’m 6 months pregnant, and I can’t fit in my clothes anymore, and we were the same size before I got pregnant!  I have a ton of clothes to give you anyways!  You can just wear those!”

PANIC MODE SET IN!

“I didn’t bring enough underwear!  And I’m NOT wearing your underwear!  And it’d be TOTALLY full of stupidity for me to go buy MORE underwear!  I have TONS at home!”

Yeah…that should totally work!  I’m totally home free, and homeward bound tomorrow afternoon!

“I have a washing machine!  And a DRYER!  I can TOTALLY do your laundry for you!

At that point, I poured my vanilla latte into a travel mug, and spiked it HEAVILY with grey goose, and went grocery shopping with my sister, her baby Daddy, and my drink!

Did you hear that, internets?  I SPIKED my COFFEE and went to WALMART to go GROCERY SHOPPING!

OH! MY! GOD!  Did I mention that my sister asked me if I wanted to go in the bathroom with Jessie and smoke some weed with him, before we went to Walmart!?  Umm…yeah, because she totally did….

And for the record, I declined.

We came back from grocery shopping where I quickly downed a margarita on the rocks before the sister and I went to Babies R Us to do her registry.

Now internets, is it just me, or does being WASTED make baby stuff, ohhh, about 239847239847 times cuter!?  It was kind of fun!  And I bought Adrian a bib that says “My Aunt is HOT! And Single!” because, thats how I roll!

So now, it’s 3:20 am, and I’m sitting on the couch, typing up a blog, and wondering what mysterious disease I need to develop by 7am so I can have an excuse to go home after the appointment tomorrow.

I can’t have any headache, or body aches, otherwise, she won’t let me drive home…

I’m thinking I may develop some herpes of the eye in the 4 and a half hours…because, she wouldn’t want me around with herpes of the EYE…AND, because how hilarious would it be to tell someone that you have herpes…OF THE EYE!  Bleh!  I don’t even want to think of contracting that!